Take time out

It can sometimes feel like you are drowning, with your head so full of stuff, that you become completely paralysed and unable to think for yourself. I know that I did and it’s an awful feeling.

The thing is, it’s absolutely normal and it’s ok. We are human and it’s nature’s way of helping us to cope.

There are some practical things that I found helped me and may be worth a try, if you’ve not tried them already;

● Find a method of keeping notes, eg; small book, iPad, diary etc. If you are still in contact with your abusive partner, be sure to keep this safe and where it can not be found.

● Make a list of all the things you need/want to do, prioritise them if possible. Write down who may be able to help you; friends, family, Women’s Aid, School etc.

This will help you to keep on top of things and free up some of your head space. Tick them off and write notes on them as necessary.

● Don’t take on more than you can handle. Say “No” if you are being overloaded.

● Keep a diary of any relevant incidents, including how it made you/your children feel. This could be relating to a partner or a professional such as a social worker/police/doctor etc. Always make a note of their name and job title.

● Try and focus on the basics like; healthy food, plenty of water, sleep, getting the children to school/playdates on time, doctors/dental appointments, laundry etc. When you feel on top of these, it will be easier to tackle the tricky stuff.

● If you are offered help by someone you trust, take it.

● Try and re establish lost relationships with friends and family, those people who have always cared about you, but have been alienated by your partner.

● Try and make a promise to yourself, that you will spend at least one hour each week, doing something totally selfish. It could be anything, from painting your nails, to taking an uninterrupted bubble bath, to meeting a friend for coffee, to going for a walk. Absolutely anything.

The trick is, to re find yourself. The person you really are.

You can and with help and determination, you will.


Welcome to your online support

Hi Ladies, and welcome to your online friends and support. As a survivor of domestic violence, and a force to be reckoned with, hell yes! I would like you to know, that you are not alone and that there’s so much you can do to overcome what can sometimes feel like a never ending nightmare. If you are facing what seems like a “No hope” situation, please don’t give up, there is always hope and people to help. (Even when the powers that be, tell you otherwise). You don’t necessarily need money for lawyers or be in receipt of legal funding, to keep yourself and your children safe, although that would help.

Lavender Survivors has been created specifically to support ladies like you, who are currently experiencing domestic violence (physical &/or emotional) or are dealing with the aftermath. Take it from me, victims of domestic violence come from all walks of life, and in all shapes and sizes, so do their abusers.

Looking forward to hearing your tips and words of support to all survivors of DV.
Remember, we can all be survivors, we just need the desire and support.

Nina X